NOTE: If you have no idea what I’m talking about in this post, move along. I have no desire to forward any more rubberneckers to the *ahem* battlefields.
I wasn’t going to dignify any of the ‘anonymous’ emails that I received yesterday with an answer simply because this latest blog drama has gone on long enough and I’m not going to add more fuel to the fire. But one email has, what I feel is, a valid question (and isn’t filled with mindless venom):
[…] all I wanted to know is why do you still defend him? He’s nothing more than a womanizing alcoholic and you seem to be intelligent enough to realize it so why do you continue to go to the mat for him time after time?
First off, I can think of several times where I haven’t ‘gone to the mat’ for Rob. I’ve disagreed with many things he’s done/said over the years that I’ve been around. Despite seemingly popular opinion to the contrary, I’m not a mindless drone. I simply don’t feel the need to get into a pissing contest over a difference of opinion, nor do I feel that the people I choose as friends need to agree with me on everything. I also don’t choose my friends based on their perfection. As I look around my circle of friends, on and offline, there is TWO traits that I see in all of them:
Honor and imperfection.
My best girlfriend is a needy, emotionally weak woman. Everything that happens to this woman is a tragedy of EPIC proportions. Yet, she has had my back through many years of single-motherhood and shitstorms with advice, encouragement and the occasional kick in the ass. I have a trifecta of men, including The Ex, who are my longest and most treasured friends. One has an ego the size of a small country that needs constant stroking, one goes through life taking as little as possible seriously, and The Ex used to stick his pecker in anything with a detectable heartbeat (which is why he’s The Ex). My own warts are too numerous to list, but in the past I’ve been accused of being too insensitive and demanding. We are all gloriously imperfect, yet through the years, we have dropped everything when one of us was in trouble…no questions asked.
I have no need to shape my friends into MY idea of what they should/could be. I accept them as they are and love them FOR the chinks in their armor…not in spite of them. We are all flawed in one way or another. We all have weaknesses. One of the greatest things about friends is that they usually compensate for those weaknesses so that the world doesn’t beat us up too badly. By their very presense, MY friends help me to be more sensitive. They give me hope. They keep me grounded but at the same time, they give me wings. They make me remember to have fun and not take things so seriously. And they show me what honor and loyalty really means.
When one of my circle of friends makes a mistake, do the rest of us announce it to the world under the guise of ‘caring’? When there’s a difference of opinion between us, do the rest mutiny (or call for a mass delinking)? Oh hell NO. When one of us stumbles, the rest close in and form a circle of protection around the weak one…and give them time to regain their strength, to see the light or to make amends.
I’ve read Rob for I don’t know how many years now…5 or so would be my guess. I’ve read everything he’s ever written about how he grew up, the things that he believes in and stands for. The things that I ’see’ in him are the same things I see in my real life friends. Yes, he struggles with alcoholism. Yes, he has shall we say “harsh” views towards women. And yes, god help me, he hates my cat AND my snake. But you know what? Being an alcoholic doesn’t necessarily make someone a monster, I’ve never seen MYSELF in anything he has written about women (think about THAT, ladies), I’m not all that fond of my cat and, well, I’m working on the snake part. He’s someone who will ALWAYS tell you the truth, won’t blow sunshine up your ass just to make you feel better and, while most people have difficulty with the truth, I love that in a person. When I think about Rob, I think about his beautiful stories of his childhood, his love for his family, his pain over the situation with his son and his loyalty towards those he loves. When I think about Rob, I don’t think about the alcoholic-womanizing-cat/reptile-hater.
When I think about Rob, I think to myself, “That guy right there? Yeah, he’s got warts and scars…and he might just be a little cracked in the head. But he’s a good man and the kind of friend anyone would be lucky to have”.
THAT is why I defend him.
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