Theater of the Soul

I probably shouldn’t be so blasé about it, but G has been sent away to nurse his wounded ego and find someone with a little less baggage than moi.

He just couldn’t adjust to the situation and, to be quite honest, he was making a bigger deal out of it than he needed to. I enjoy a little competition every now and then but this was truly a disaster in the making I think. While TheEx isn’t a part of MY every day life, he is and always will be a part of the kids’ every day lives…and that’s not something that’s going to change. Ever.

The thing with G was that it was ‘comfortable’. He lives quite a few hours from me and that didn’t bother me in the least…which should have been my first clue that this wasn’t a match made in heaven. I’m not a needy girlfriend to begin with. If you’re the man in my life and you’re around, great. If not…well, don’t expect me to pine away for you because I’m just not wired that way. I’ll miss you, surely…but it’s not going to debilitate me. God knows I’ve got plenty to keep me occupied.

My girlfriend, H, is the complete opposite of me. She literally grieves when her hubby is gone and hates being alone. I love her to death but that shit would drive me bonkers. She makes her hubby CALL HOME on his breaks at work every damn day. It works for THEM but damn…if I were in her shoes, it’d be a relief to have 8 hours of peace and quiet. Another girlfriend bounces from one relationship right into the next because she totally fears being alone.

And it’s not just limited to women either. I’ve got several male friends that are so scared shitless to be alone that they stay in relationships that were doomed from the get-go. I’ve nicknamed my sofa the Lonely Heart Sofa because they all make the rounds through here when things finally blow up.

I just don’t get it. I myself have two very different trains of thought regarding relationships. First, good relationships are deserving of a hell of a lot of work from BOTH participants. Second, life is too damn short to be stuck in a BAD relationship. So how does one tell the difference?

Damned if I know.

I guess it comes from knowing yourself and what you’re willing to put up with. I didn’t realize I was incapable of forgiving infidelity until it was rearing it’s ugly head and biting me in the ass with TheEx. I honestly tried to forgive it, but knew myself well enough to know that my limit had been breached. We had been together since high school and had done the Break-Up Dance more times than I care to remember while we were still trying to figure our own selves out. Marriage was good for both of us because it taught us how important respect and taking responsibility were in a relationship. We wouldn’t be able to provide the united front that we do with the kids if it wasn’t for those lessons learned.

My gut told me that the relationship with G was headed nowhere. I finally realized it on Tuesday night when my caller ID told me he was calling and I just really did NOT want to talk to him that it was time to end it. I don’t lay the blame on him or on myself for that matter…which is a refreshing change.

I’m a mother and already have enough guilt, thank you very much.