Theater of the Soul

After having spent all of yesterday afternoon on the phone with lawyers, guardian ad litems, social workers, cops and (God help me) that freaky-ass former pseudo-family of mine, I’ve finally gotten the full story.

The phone call with the Social Worker in Charge (SWIC) was more than a little disturbing. She has apparently investigated my pseudo-brother and pseudo-sister-in-law several times over the years and have even removed the children twice before. They have been living in a pop-up camping trailer…which, although it isn’t against the law, tells me that their lives have been beyond fucked up for some time now. The two boys were never enrolled in school until last year and it’s been next to impossible for the school to get any cooperation out of their parents. Like any child, these two boys have some strengths…but have more than their fair share of weaknesses. Neither can read or write and both have been in special ed this last school year. Unfortunately, their lack of social skills seriously inhibits their ability to learn. They’re both malnourished and they discovered several old fractures on each of them. I asked the SWIC why it has taken this long for them to do anything and found out that pseudo-mother has been running interference…coming across as the responsible grandmother who will kick her son’s ass into line…and it’s taken SWIC this long to figure out that pseudo-mother is the Queen of Crazy. Pseudo-mother was given custody of the kids in January and they were supposed to be with HER when this shit all went down.

The officer in charge of the investigation called to ask me some questions, but I ended up being the one to grill him after he found out I knew less than he did. He gave me a description of what he walked in on when he first arrived at the trailer and I could just puke right now thinking about it. It’s not the worst case I’ve ever heard of but it’ll be good nightmare fodder for me for the next few nights.

I called my pseudo-father (he and pseudo-mother divorced about 9 years ago) and filled him in and see if he had heard anything from any of them lately. He and I aren’t as close as we once were…he’s remarried and has another family that I was never welcomed into. We still get along well, but he’s more of a rainy day friend now than a parent figure. He’s as stunned as I am that pseudo-mother would allow things to get this far. She may have more faces than a truckload of Russian babushka dolls, but she used to be a truly STRONG mother-figure. She took her role as matriarch of her family as strongly as my own mother did. Picture everything you’ve ever known about nosy, overbearing italian mothers, multiply it by 10 and you’ve got who my pseudo-mother used to be.

Then the lawyer for my pseudo-sister-in-law called me to get the ammo he needs to get this into court. I point blank told him that if pseudo-mother is the Queen of Crazy, pseudo-SIL was her Lady in Waiting. As far as I’m concerned, SIL can go pound sand. If she was dumb enough to fucking walk out and LEAVE HER KIDS behind, she is too stupid to be a mother. I’m fairly sure I won’t be called as a character witness.

Of course, I recieved a phone call from pseudo-SIL shortly thereafter, and I told her the same thing. Yes, it was a short conversation.

I then recieved a phone call from the kids’ guardian ad litem. I’ll be meeting with her and SWIC on Monday morning.

THEN…I picked up my cell phone and dialed the number the SWIC gave me for pseudo-mother. She was ‘SO relieved to hear’ my voice…and that was about all she got out of her mouth before I let loose with a spittle-filled rant, the likes of which ya’ll ain’t NEVER heard before. I went up one side of that woman, did the fucking Cha-Cha on her head, and went down the other side. The highlights:

“What kind of trailer trash, booger eating morons have you people become in the last 10 years?”
“What kind of grandmother - who lives within spitting distance of her son - allows him to beat and neglect his children like this?”
“Don’t think for ONE SECOND that if I take these children that you’ll be sweet-talking your way around any court orders. I guarantee that you’re going to DEEPLY regret bringing me into this.”
“If, no matter what you did, that ‘brother’ of mine couldn’t get his parenting shit together, you should have taken those kids until he did. You’re a lot of things, N, but I’ve never known you to be a fucking pushover OR a moron. YOU allowed those children to be neglected and abused…YOU helped him hide it…and YOU gave them back to him so he could do it AGAIN. As far as I’m concerned, you’re just as guilty as your SON.”

Then I got really mad. She tried to defend herself by telling me that she didn’t ‘think it was that bad’, but I was having none of that shit. There is NO excuse for this. If I didn’t want anything to do with her 10 years ago when all she did to piss me off was have mood swings like there’s no tomorrow, I sure as FUCK don’t wanna hear anything out of her now. It was a fairly short conversation but there’s no doubt in my mind that she knows where she stands now.

Now that I got that all out of my system, I’ve got some decisions to make. I really don’t need this shit right now. I’m a single parent to two boys already and I get a little nervous when the adult to child ratio is more than 1:2. I’ll be homeschooling one of my kids this year and the other one starts school Monday. I’ll have to pretty much throw him at his new teacher and dash out the door to make a 3 hour drive in order to meet the GAL and SWIC. I already told them both that I won’t be making a decision until I’ve met with them and THEN talked it over with my own two kids. I also told them I want 100% disclosure and will want to read the case file when I’m there Monday. They didn’t balk at that request, so I’m sensing some desperation on their part. I wised up a long time ago to the fact that social workers give foster parents ’shades’ of the truth…very rarely do they give out the WHOLE truth (to be fair, sometimes they themselves don’t know the entire story either, but sometimes they hold back info for fear of scaring off foster parents). I also learned a long time ago that the WHOLE truth will always rear it’s ugly head on a Friday night when a foster child’s shrink, social worker and entire support system is out of the office until Monday.

After finding out that I’m not a blood relative, but still a specialized foster parent nonetheless, the SWIC offered me the top tier rate for specialized care if I renew my license. I declined for now but asked her to let me think about it. These kids aren’t related to me and I hate their family with a passion right now, but I still don’t feel ‘right’ about taking money for them. They’re still sort of my nephews…I guess. Two more mouths to feed and two more asses to dress won’t be easy but money is the least of my problems right now.

I called the foster mom who has the kids now and she seems like a real sweetheart. I asked her if the boys need anything and, of course, they came with nothing. Which is probably a blessing in disguise because they both had lice. I’ll be participating in some retail therapy today to shop for clothes and a few toys for them.

I have so many questions running around in my head right now. It’s not a matter of CAN I do this…I always find a way. It’s a question of ‘do I WANT to do this’? My own kids aren’t perfect, but in the big scheme of things, they’re pretty self-sufficient and independent. BooBoo turns 13 on Tuesday…I finally see a light at the end of the parenthood tunnel. Do I really want to take on the responsibility of two more kids who, by all accounts, are going to need my undivided attention? And, God help me, do I really want to taint my own children’s lives with this kind of dysfunction and drama? I hate to sound like an elitist or whatever, but I can’t help wondering what kind of trouble I’m opening myself up for.

Still, that mama bear part of me wants to go grab these kids and make their world safe and secure. I know I can’t FIX everyone now…I learned that lesson the hard way…but that doesn’t prevent me from wanting to try. I know my first instinct will be to pack those boys up tomorrow and bring them home with me, but I also know that good common sense will prevent that from happening. I’ll need a few days to calm down in order to make a good decision, especially since I have every intention of trying to make it to pseudo-brother’s hearing Monday afternoon. I fully expect pseudo-mother, pseudo-brotherII and pseudo-grandmother to be in attendance and it will be satisfying to rattle a few cages while I’m in the area.