Theater of the Soul

I love it when I get shit thrown at me from out of nowhere.

I recieved an email from a friend asking for help because his blog was down. I provided help, along with several other people. I happened to be the one who found the solution. I made a short post stating that the issue was resolved and a short comment stating what the solution was. End of story…or it SHOULD have been. Instead I get an email this morning pointing me to this:

Or, maybe it would prefered that I engage in a stand-up pissin’ contest over who fixed who’s blog first.
I’m NOBODY’S “minion”, and I’d have to be a pompous biotch indeed to crown my self “queen” of any domain.
FUCK THAT.
I’m not a “girly” kinda girl. I will not engage in a bloggy “cat fight”. I’d rather meet you in a parking lot and kick your ass, fair and square. Mmmmk?

Well, sweetheart…you SHOW me where *I* started a pissing contest. You say you won’t ‘engage in a bloggy “cat fight”‘ but you’ll sure as fuck START one, huh? YOU yourself made a comment to the effect of “It doesn’t matter, as long as it’s fixed”. Right? Sounded like good logic to me, but apparently you can’t take your OWN advice, huh? Besides, Paul was back there too and it’s entirely possible that HE did something to fix the blog. In the BIG scheme of things, does it matter? Rob’s site was fixed and that WAS the main objective, wasn’t it? It damn well SHOULD have been.

And if I were to start a pissing contest over it, my comment to you would have been somewhere along the lines of, “Uhh no you silly cow, there were no ‘crossed posts’ or ‘fucked up timestamps’. I had been sitting here for twenty minutes looking at a working blog before YOU finally remembered to refresh your page”. But did I do that? Fuck no. You know why? Because you’re a friend of a friend and that was good enough reason for me to keep my thoughts to myself. I’m not into public humiliation, as I’ve stated before.

Hooting and hollering and generally making an ass of myself isn’t in my repertoire. Attacking someone behind their back also isn’t my style. If I’ve got something to say to you, I have NO problem at all saying it to your face. Just ask this woman. I’m pissed off at her…no doubt about it. But I can still hold a civil conversation with her without resorting to behind-the-scenes backstabbing and name-calling. [EDIT: Apparently she is as incapable of this as she is of pulling herself out of her perpetual pity party. There, Livey. NOW you have a reason to be pissy.]

And did you really threaten to kick my ass? Do you even realize how fucking juvenile and moronic that makes you sound?

Don’t some of you women have a fucking life or something else to occupy your time? Christ almighty. Ya’ll find the dumbest shit to fight about. If I spent half as much time as you assholes spend creating drama WHERE THERE ISN’T ANY, I wouldn’t have time for anything else.

Get a grip…or a life. I don’t care which, but leave ME the fuck out of it.

Update: Oh, and the ‘Queen of the Mindless Minions’ thing? It’s a joke, Toni. A very OLD, very silly joke. ANYONE who agrees with Rob on ANYTHING is automatically labeled a ‘mindless minion’ by his detractors. I was labeled the QUEEN a long time ago by a very bitter and delusional woman and it’s always kind of cracked me up. It still does. As I said before, if you don’t think they call YOU a mindless minion behind your back, you’re seriously mistaken.

What does one do when they have an incredibly S-L-O-W tub drain and no amount of Draino or Liquid Plumber has fixed it? They bring out the BIG guns.

That’s professional plumber strength drain cleaner containing sulfuric acid.

I figured any drain cleaner that has a VERY BIG WARNING LABEL saying “CAUTION! This product may cause eruptions from your drain pipes!” has got to work, right?

I had intended to post a picture here showing the results of pouring the cleaner into the drain, but to tell the truth…I was a little scared. I poured 1/4 of the bottle in and ran like a chickenshit. There was a tiny eruption, and lots of hissing and spitting. It sounded and smelled like I had poured a very pissed off cat along with 8 dozen rotten eggs down my pipes.

Suffice it to say, my pipes (and, I suspect, every pipe in a 3 mile radius) are clean and flowing freely. Tim Allen would be proud.

I live in a very small town. Population: 3000 or so. I manage several rental properties in the area and live in the largest building in town. I love working from home. I really do. I realize how lucky I am to be able to set my own hours, have a steady salary no matter how many hours I work and, most of all, be here for my kids instead of throwing them in daycare after school.

This job, like any other, isn’t without it’s drawbacks. I’m on-call pretty much 24/7. The area I live in is a fairly depressed area, so the pool of ‘good, fiscally responsible’ tenants is small and my eviction rate is fairly high. This is usually no big deal. Most tenants have the good sense to feel guilty and quietly move along when they’re being evicted and I have the good sense not to hound or annoy them. If you can’t pay your rent, or if you still haven’t learned that paying your rent comes before buying beer and cigarettes, FINE. Just move along. REALLY…it’s not a big deal, unless YOU choose to make it a big deal.

Here’s a list of things you generally should NOT do when facing eviction:

• Don’t turn your apartment into a flophouse for your homeless friends.
• Don’t be all shocked and shaken when I knock on your door and throw your homeless friends out on their collective asses. Especially, don’t allow your homeless friends to become mouthy with me. I already know I’m a bitch and have had many years of practice to perfect my methods. Along those same lines, don’t be surprised when your friends are arrested and dragged out of here by the police because they couldn’t shut their damn mouths.
• Don’t call the owners complaining to them about what a bitch I am. They already know…it’s on my resume. And truthfully, *I* am the nice one…the owners have me beat by several orders of magnitude.
• Don’t call the owners demanding that THEY deal with you because I am ‘an unfair and heartless bitch’. THEY hired ME so that they don’t have to deal with YOU. All roads lead back to the ‘unfair heartless bitch’…get used to it.
• When you live in a small town and you file false charges against the company you rent from 3 days after your son was arrested and thrown in jail for assaulting a police officer, be prepared to be laughed out of court by a judge that has presided over almost all of the evictions the company has done. HE KNOWS our reputation and he knows we do things by the letter of the law.
• When you’re in the process of being evicted for not paying your rent, don’t knock on the manager’s door asking for change for a $100 bill. Are you really THAT stupid?
• It’s NEVER a good idea to threaten the building manager’s life. It’s really a BAD idea to attempt to climb the support beams up to my 2nd story porch when you think I’m not home. The manager has a gun and those windows that you were standing in front of? Yeah, those belong to the maintenance guy who has TWO guns.
• Don’t get yourself evicted and then leave all of your belongings behind and expect that I will store them indefinitely. There’s no such thing as a surprise eviction. You’ve had, on average, 40 days to make arrangements for your stuff before the sheriff drags you out. If you know that I have to hold onto the stuff for 28 days, don’t presume to tell me it’s 30. And don’t be surprised when I utter the words, “Tough shit” when you call me after 30 days and find out that your stuff went out with yesterday’s garbage.
• If you’ve been evicted and I find your apartment skanky and smelly, don’t get all offended when I call YOU skanky and smelly. Really. Did you EVER clean? I found commercial sized bottles of cleaning supplies that you obviously stole from work before being fired for embezzlement. Why steal something you had NO intention of ever using?
• If I’ve spent 3 days cleaning your skanky and smelly apartment after you’ve been dragged out by the sheriff, don’t be surprised when you recieve a final demand notice to pay your 4 months of back rent AND $950 in cleaning fees. And yes, I AM the highest paid cleaning lady EVER. $20 an hour to clean YOUR skanky and smelly apartment was a bargain…trust me.
• And finally, don’t be surprised to find that I am having your paycheck attached until your debt to the company is paid off when you have gone out of your way to be a miserable, sue-happy, signature-forging, lying, obnoxious, skanky AND smelly dumbass.

There. I feel better.

From: TheaterOfTheSoul [theaterofthesoul@gmail.com]
To: ‘abuse@cox.net’
CC: ‘chablis@xxxxxx.xxx’
Subject: FW: [Theater of the Soul] Comment: “Oh For The Love of Christ…”

This evening, one of your customers left a defaming and abusive comment on my personal weblog. I have forwarded below the contact and IP information for the customer who is violating your Acceptable Use policies, found under your “Prohibited Activities” guidelines:

# Invade another person’s privacy, stalk, harass, or otherwise violate the rights of others.
# Post, transmit, or disseminate content that is threatening, abusive, libelous, slanderous, defamatory, incites hatred, or is otherwise offensive or objectionable.

I respectfully request that any further contact from this individual that violates your policies would result in termination of the account in question. Thank you.

Sincerely,
Dxxxx Fxxxxx
theaterofthesoul@gmail.com

—–Original Message—–
From: Rachel [mailto:Rachel]
Sent: Friday, June 02, 2006 6:38 PM
To: theaterofthesoul@unitybiz.net
Subject: [Theater of the Soul] Comment: “Oh For the Love of Christ…”

New comment on your post #141 “Oh For the Love of Christ…”
Author : Rachel (IP: 68.107.222.147 , wsip-68-107-222-147.ph.ph.cox.net)
E-mail : chablissucksdonkeydick@yahoo.com
URI :
Whois : http://ws.arin.net/cgi-bin/whois.pl?queryinput=68.107.222.147
Comment:
What Intelligence? All I see is a bithcy know-it-all who thinks she is better than everyone else. You leave comments on others blogs, as if you have some sort of insight into their lives. Your a bitch, your probably a closet lesbian, because I know that NO MAN would want to be with a bitter cunt like you! What a fucking bitch. I bet it really burns you up that you have no way of contacting me! What a fucking loser

You can see all comments on this post here:
http://theaterofthesoul.unitybiz.net/2006/06/01/oh-for-the-love-of-christ/#comments

[…]

So Miss Rachel, I have ways of contacting you that YOU can’t even FATHOM. That little IP address up there enables me to follow your every move…your every transaction. Every little bit and byte that you leave around the internet…every document you open or create…every email you send…it could all be mine.

Sweetheart, I REALLY am the LAST person you want to piss off. I fight by the rules. ONCE. This is your only warning.

A few observations about the State of the Union address last night:
1. I got a good chuckle out of hearing about Cindy Sheehan’s antics. I’m not a leftie or a rightie, but I just gotta say that, if I were a Democrat, I’d be mightily ashamed at being affiliated with a party that seems to consist of nothing but drama queens. Cindy, you silly cow, you’re 15 minutes of fame was up about an hour ago. Go the fuck AWAY already.
2. President Bush’s speech was more of the same…not that that’s a bad thing. I didn’t expect him to shock and awe us this year and I was right. I am, however, very impressed with his resolve.
3. The Democratic Response? What the FUCK was that all about? It had the tone and delivery of an overrehearsed infomercial. If there’s ONE thing I hate, it’s the sound of someone speaking down to me and that’s all I got from Governor Kaine. I also had the overwhelming urge to call him Skippy because he just LOOKS like a Skippy, doesn’t he?